26th May 2012 
3:52am

If I were to imagine myself being in a game of Battleships.. In a game that was dealing with nothing but plenty of missed hits.. In a game where there always was a sea of utmost stability..

I can only describe how I felt today in a few words (or more).

I have been shaken.

Shaken by the most inconspicuous firing that came without warning, but with a blazing trail of fire.

I’ve also been trying to arrange the pieces in my head because I know I’ve always been careful when it came to guarding my ships. I’ve been trying to look for an answer but I found none. I can’t explain this but I think it is true when people say that there isn’t an answer to everything. Some things just happen no matter how you try to guard against it or keep a vigilant watch. This should be one of those things.

I’ve not felt like that in almost 2 years. This feels real and close to heart. I think both my mind and heart have made an unanimous agreement. Just like that, I have been shaken.

But it actually makes me smile so happily and wildly. I could be saying that i’m scared but I really am glad. I can’t understand this now but someday I might.

:)

“A star falls from the sky and into your hands. Then it seeps through your veins and swims inside your blood and becomes every part of you. And then you have to put it back into the sky. And it’s the most painful thing you’ll ever have to do and that you’ve ever done. But what’s yours is yours. Whether it’s up in the sky or here in your hands. And one day, it’ll fall from the sky and hit you in the head real hard and that time, you won’t have to put it back in the sky again.”
― C. JoyBell C.

Blessings - Laura Story

We pray for blessings, we pray for peace

Comfort for family, protection while we sleep

We pray for healing, for prosperity

We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering

All the while You hear each spoken need

Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

What if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

We pray for wisdom, Your voice to hear

We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near

We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love

As if every promise from Your Word is not enough

And all the while You hear each desperate plea

And long that we’d have faith to believe

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?

And what if trials of this life

Are Your mercies in disguise?

When friends betray us, when darkness seems to win

We know that pain reminds this heart

That this is not, this is not our home

It’s not our home

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops

What if Your healing comes through tears?

And what if a thousand sleepless nights

Are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if my greatest disappointments

Or the aching of this life

Is the revealing of a greater thirst

This world can’t satisfy?

And what if trials of this life

The rain, the storms, the hardest nights

Are Your mercies in disguise?

—-

What is it in the songs that subconsciously capture my attention while I concentrate at work? It’s been quite a while since the last time it happened. I nearly cried.

Is there something wrong with me if I’m going to bed tonight with nothing but smiles?

I’m amazed by you. Somehow, but I don’t know how.

Many uncertainties make a perfect moment because nothing is seen to be right and anything could just fall into place at anytime.
Yet, one uncertainty creates panic because it shakes up a steady block and could cause it to fall into ashes and into nothing at anytime.

They say, life is full of uncertainties.

So what? i don’t know why this sentence only stops at that, always leaving me to make my own interpretations and create second parts.

I say, life only gives us two choices. To take a risk between wholesomeness and nothingness.

Now tell me, who is a risk taker?

Some people still look like an ultimate goddess when they cry. All you glamour criers, where do you come from….

I hate it when I cry because when I cry, I am ugly. I hate it when I look at myself in the mirror, with my face covered in tears. I don’t recognize that person in the mirror. Who are you?

Resent, regret, fear, sadness and loss. You are all I see in that face. I don’t like it. Joy could be within, but for sure tonight it can’t be. I know I look brilliant when I am happy. That face I see? Far from it.

So ugly tonight that it actually hurts.

Hurts to know that I know ugly exists. Hurts even more when I remember how I got used to that ugly face in the mirror.

Oh hi there, familiar face.